”I AM JUST A MOMMY”
I am a Mommy born on December 4th, 2019, and I had decided for myself to be a stay-at-home Mom. To be always available for my child, to look and feel all of my daughter’s first moves. But honestly, I cried and I cried almost every day. Being a first-time mom is just so damn tough. Being a stay-at-home mom also meant that I would never get to take a break from my child. Additionally, due to the Covid pandemic situation that had just hit the country; everything landed squarely on my shoulders. The house. The Chores. The baby. The Everything. I was all on my own. And believe me, that time I completely lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. My life had turned into a mess of poops and diapers; feeding and burping; cooking and eating, changing and washing, cleaning and sleeping.
The only conversation I had was my little girl smiling at me, or cooing lovingly towards me, while I stared backfilled with emotions of regret every time. My whole day suddenly centered on my baby’s feedings and naptime. I lost my identity. Family and friends who called always questioned around the little angel of the house. Co-workers soon forgot me. Childless friends moved on. I felt like I lost my identity. I wondered if I could handle the solitude, the isolation that I had chosen of being a stay-at-home Mom.
At first, I was extremely happy to leave my stress-filled job. Happy thinking I was going to get a break from all the hard work. As I thought motherhood is nothing short of joyful moments, laughter, memories, contentment, and of course those moments exist but along with it came moments of tears, frustration, and sacrifice.
At a year and a half of postpartum, I have realized I need to stop wishing for my old identity and instead create a new one. The sense that I did everything that I could in the best possible manner was for my daughter’s sake. A whole new mind shift. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!
So, Yes I am just a Mommy now and That’s Okay. The daily routine, mundane, the terrible days, the adventures, the firsts of everything, smile, crawl, step, word, the wow moments, the oopsies, the funny; I am right now happy to be able to be part of all those wonderful moments and the wonderful opportunity to be able to create that bond with my daughter.
My identity has altered forever when I became a Mom and it will keep changing as my daughter grows up and needs my lesser but forever.
Yes, but for now, I am just a Mommy.