Secrets To Raising Confident & Capable Teenagers

Parents desire success for their children. They begin to prepare them as soon as seem possible. A child is expected to excel in multiple activities- be it studies, verbal communication, dance, painting, art, craft, computers, sports, writing and much more. While they do everything that is popular and followed by most around, there are certain hidden measures that are overlooked or are unheard of. Besides various programs, plaything, books, gadgets etc, the children need a lot more of something whose power is indefinite. Let’s read about such habits by parents and teenagers.

9 Secrets To Raise Happy & Confident Teenagers

The Power of Words

The words that we speak in the presence of our children have an impact on their mind as well as behavior. If we are negative, the same will be retained by their subconscious minds. If we are positive along with being motivating, the children do feel that energy and are able to perform better.


These techniques also go a long way with them as adults. Any sort of negative self questioning will be taken care of if they know how to speak to themselves in the positive manner besides knowing how to manifest best from the universe.

Identifying Themselves

Adolescence is the age where teens are striving hard to find their identity. They are looking to explore themselves independent of parents. This is a major reason for the rebel nature, anger and frustration. It is duty of parents to help teens find their unique identity. Instead of preparing a mirror image of themselves, they must be ready to welcome a new personality which has its own ideology.


The teenagers, who are lost during this phase of life, find it extremely difficult to cope with stress in adult life. The trauma is experienced with their loved ones along with them as well.

Encouragement and Motivation

Teenagers are way more advanced than we were at our times. They are aware of the present in addition to future and their actions are according to those. We as parents must believe in their choices. Unless they get encouragement from parents and family, they will find it hard to be confident in their actions.


During teenage, they are exploring various options to recognize their skills. Commenting on the time and resources spent without getting results may affect their interest. This is the age to try everything possible so that they know what they are good at, what their strengths and weaknesses are and hence choose the right path.

Forgetting conventional approaches is the key to change. Changing as fast as the world shall be the mantra of parenting teenagers.

However connecting them with the roots with confidence is also the duty of family. This facilitates staying grounded and feel linked with their foundation. Adapt to changes that are not applicable to the current scenario but do not avoid the rituals altogether, for simply being ashamed or different.

This is the most difficult part of parenting actually. But with adjustment, and knowing where to bend the rules, it can be easily taken care of.

Balance Appreciation and Criticism

Too much of anything is injurious. Same applies to over appreciating and criticizing.

If we are too quick to applaud our child, they expect it for every small action and hence in future find it complicated to accept any condemnation. But too much negative comment can discourage the child, and they may stop making an effort to improve. So a balance is vital to let the child perform well while trying to grow and improve.


The youth must know how to acknowledge admiration and disapproval appropriately. Instead of getting affected by these, they must be familiar with how to use each remark to their favor.

Self-confidence and Self-worth

Recognition of self worth is essential for any human to gain self-confidence. Everyone is born with some talent which may or may not be quick to reveal itself. But hurting the child’s esteem for its unique characteristics may affect their future.

The aspiration of being a perfect person is too much a burden for them. There cannot be perfect something. We are born different characteristics. Shaming the child for its features such as skin tone, body weight, height, quantity of hair, shape of teeth, voice, and way of speaking is nothing less than a crime that kills any individual’s self-respect.

It is vital for teenagers not to “be like someone else” but rather have confidence in their beauty.

Guided Freedom

We must grant adequate independence to our teenagers. But we have to make sure that they are aware of what is right and what is wrong to make correct choices. When they are away from us, they have to make self-determining decisions and must be prepared for such situations. And that can be done only when we allow them to make choices, face their consequences and learn from them.

The freedom that they get shall be guided by parents over the learning years at home. They must be able to face the world outside with critical thinking. So while we keep informing them about everything that they should know, let them earn themselves as well. Check this beautiful inspiring tale on respecting the children boundaries.

Comparison is the Killer

In the desire to have every talent present in our child, parents often tend to compare them with other children around or even worse, compare their own childhood with that of the child. During teenage, they are exploring various options to recognize their skills. Commenting on the time and resources spent without getting results may affect their interest. This is the age to try everything possible so that they know what they are good at, what their strengths and weaknesses are and hence choose the right path.

Comparison with others who are successful or are able to find the career path will not do any good. Parents must encourage in a way that teens don’t find it humiliating. They must not feel they are no good because they are not doing something like others around them.

Each individual is unique. Everyone has different circumstances and situations which can never allow one to compare.

Passive Parenting

Passive parenting is a form of parenting where parents are more permissive. This helps in analytical thinking in children as they grow up. It is more important for us to know how our teenagers behave in our absence and for that we need to reduce our presence. This helps in improving their problem solving skills.

This is also means reducing your expectations from your teenagers. When they are not focused on your expectations from them, they are able to perform better. This makes them responsible and mature.

This does not mean granting total freedom, it actually means lifting some rules barrier as they grow up. The best time to begin this is around 15 years or so. Any earlier may spoil them while any later may affect their self-reliance. Providing guidelines and rules is essential to bring discipline in our children, but as they grow up, this must be condensed. Boundaries should be set up as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

Handle Conflicts

Of course we all face conflicts and have disagreements with those around us. But we need to teach our teens the best way to deal with such scenarios. They must be able to express themselves well for other person to understand. They must explain their anger and be able to provide solution. Their anger shall not affect them in any way, or the other person too. Today’s generation has less patience and is too quick to end relationships. So, they must be able to stay patient and be forgiving. Also, read here How sleep impacts teenagers’ mental health.

“There are two things we should give our children: one is roots, the other is wings”

– author unknown

About the Author

The author of this article, Prachi Mittal, is the founder and author of The Teenager Talks. She is mother of teenage daughters and loves to share her experience with the parents along with sharing her wisdom with teenagers to have a wonderful journey of teenage.

Prachi Mittal
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