When I Gate Crashed My Son’s Party!
I read somewhere, “MOTHER word is not a noun. It is a verb”. It is a verb because it’s all about DOING things for your children and with your children right from the day they are born till the time their kids are born. However, while you continue doing things FOR your children all your life, there comes a point when you are expected not to do things WITH them. This point comes in your life when your children hit their teens and consider you a hindrance in their lives. PARTYING is one of those things.
Although you are the one to pay for that party, to help organize that party (of course not plan because you are considered outdated and nosy), to clean up (before and after) and even cook for that party, you are the one who is NOT invited to that party. Rather if you try, you are STOPPED to enter that party.
This was a few months ago when life had come back to normal after the first abnormal. Son threw a party on the terrace. We assisted him in every way (yes we felt like his assistants and not anything more. We just followed his instructions) and when we asked, “son won’t you invite us?” We got a blank look in response. It was pretty evident. We weren’t invited.
Nothing new that we had faced. I still took offence while miyan was least effected (I wish I had his kind of resilience). I said, “I am coming son whether you like it or not.” “ No mom you are not coming. What will you do there? It will be very odd for me!” Son said.
I had tea in my hand. Main khoon ka ghoont pee ke reh gayee. Actually chai ka ghoont. Sang to myself, “tune mera khoon (dhoodh) piya hae tu bilkul mere jaise nahin hae.”
And it was party day! By God, hearts of hearts I had decided that I will barge in even if all the hells brake upon me. You know as parents, you sometimes get so tired and fed up of being stopped that you don’t want to be stopped any more. Same was with me. I wanted to be a part of the party. I was curious to know what goes on in there and WHY are parents not allowed! I mean, we are today’s parents. How uncool can we be? Also thought that attending teenagers’ party will be my perfect chance to grow back again although I find them quite intimidating. I mean, interacting with today’s kids call for a lot of skill and I am not even going there.
I pulled out my baggie shirt, my baggie pants, my sneakers. I wanted to look one like them. I wanted to look cool and modern. I didn’t want to look or behave like a mother. Least did I realise that I probably looked like a potato sack!
So here I am, all set to gate crash the party. On the pretence of carrying some snacks, I knock at the terrace door (which obviously was locked to keep trespassers like me away). The music is loud. I am barely audible. I knock hard and a girl opens the door, “hi bete can I come in? I have got you all some snacks.” I asked. Imagine I am seeking permission from a stranger to enter MY OWN terrace! I mean, what the hell!!
“Sure aunty, let me ask Aaryan” the girl responded.
“What the **!! What does that supposed to mean now! Ask aaryan! This is my bloody house!” Anyways, I kept patient, “all izz well! All izz well?” I told myself.
I was let in hesitantly. The moment I walked in, the music was switched off. Life came to a sudden halt. Anyways, the kids were kind enough to say hi and smile except for my son. I laid the snacks on the table, “Arey guys carry on. I just wanted to see if all is ok and if you need anything at all,” I said.
However, for some time there was hardly any movement. I was made to feel like I was the last Dinasaur! Everybody just galled at me. And I would love to believe that it wasn’t for my clothes. I still tried to stick around. Music was put back again. Some kids went back to doing what they were doing while some stood their frozen and I don’t understand why? Which is when son walked up to me and said, “mom what are you doing here? It’s youngsters ki party.”
“Well I was also a youngster too, when I was your age. I was not born 46!” I tried to logic.
“Uff aap ka logic mom! Ab aap sab se mil liye ho. Ab jao!” Son said.
“Ok ok. I’ll go. Just let me enjoy a bit.” I insisted.
Son rolled his eyes and went off.
I tried sticking around. Smiled at everybody. Tried hanging around. Even tried swinging to the music but soon realised, I don’t belong here. I got all philosophical (you know how it is with us at such times) It’s there world and it’s a whole different world. We got to let them be. We got to respect their boundaries while they may not. While they may still barge into our rooms without even knocking! While they might just take away our car whether we want them to or not. While they get overbearing when they want to buy something.
Most importantly, we got to accept that they needed us at some point in time but now they don’t. At least not till the time they tell us that they need us. Also the fact that they won’t feel us. We will have to feel them.
Came down with a droopy face. Grabbed a banana for myself and sat on the recliner, pretending to be calm and smiley although sulking in my heart. Which is when the most untimely and undesirable comment from miyan came, “What were you thinking? You are the dancing queen. Going on seventeen!!!”