Chapter – 1 || Parenting In General And Disciplining Being Specific
From The Author
This is my second series. After the completion of my series on FAILURES, I am back with a new topic for my readers. Here, I will be contributing to helping my fellow parents understand the concept of disciplining a child. So, let’s move on with the topic.
Parenthood, the word itself is magical. This is a rollercoaster of experiences and your gift (from Heaven) to experience your childhood again. The learnings and teachings both form an integral part of the same. No doubt, parenting is tough but it’s also true that it needs patience and calm. The bundle of responsibilities wrapped in love with care is now a part of you.
Talking About Parenting Psychology
Parent psychology says that we want our kids to be the best or rather better than the intended ones. But sometimes we forget that they aren’t robots that can be programmed as per our behavioural tendencies.
The stereotypical disciplinary approach of guiding them one or two times in the beginning and then aggressively punishing to discipline them is still overruling our attitude towards the same.
- Frequent hitting or once in a while hit are both the same.
- Scolding, abusing (maybe unintentional), disgracing or humiliating kids in front of others are all one of their own kind and have the same impact on the child.
Many parents believe cognitive punishment leads to discipline, as they become sad and stop behaving in the way. Some parents’ opinion that punishment leads to improvised behaviour and socialization of the child as like this he/she can be taught what not to do.
As parents, we need to understand the fact that they too are real humans. Sometimes they might need time to understand and cope while at other times they may have a completely different perspective. Maybe that whatever we experienced we are transferring the same to the next generation.
Reasons For Being In Favour Of Punishment
There can be several reasons for such behaviour. Some of them may relate to
- Sociological set-ups
- Self-humiliation at times
- Strict standards of brought up
- Self-experience in childhood etc.
Though the reasons may vary from person to person, indeed the argument is still the same. In past years, the acclamation in regards to the same has decreased contextually but still, the best is to come.
What Do We Fail To Realise?
We, as parents fail to realise that our parents had huge families and minimal 3-4 kids to take care and so the approach of parenting was actually frustrating and aggressive. Also, the kids at that time were careless and mentally peaceful.
The times have changed. We are raising a generation that’s comparatively more sensitive. These are super brains. They bear and cope with the challenges of the competitive world since they begin to understand themselves. Any type of scolding, abusing, beating or physical and mental punishment may hamper the child’s mental health and wellness. The effect could be negative behaviour traits or introverted attitudes or even violent and aggressive behavioural tendencies.
Strictness and discipline never give you the right to bind the little smiles in restricted rules and boundaries. There is an invisible line between being strict and unmanly.
Hurting someone is not always through actions but at times words are even more painful.
Child psychology suggests that love, affection and care are better tools to prove your points and instil your child with discipline and concern.
Most of the child psychologists believe that punishments and hits instil a negative impact on human minds leaving an ugly scar on the child’s subconscious mind.
It has been observed that children who are brought up with care, love and affection are happier and more daring adults as compared to those who are disciplined through the means of punishments.
It may be in the form of spanking/slapping or even yelling, all leave trauma in a child’s brain. Many parents opt to continue the same attitude towards a toddler as well as a teenager which is completely unsafe and non-appreciated.
Spanking a teenager may be disastrous. Today we are raising a generation that’s more understanding and sensitive.
Then What’s The Act Of Disciplining
As is well said, discipline rewards the child for appropriate behaviour and discourages inappropriate behaviour, using fair and positive means.
Discipline, no doubt, is a necessary requirement and we as parents are responsible for delivering the same in the best way to the child. Discipline marks a person’s character and influence in the society. It’s a rather more vital strength to one’s confidence and motivation.
But using harsh means and methodology for the same isn’t justified. Some parents opt to stop talking and conversing with the children which belong to a sort of abuse and torture. Like this, the child may either be ignorant of your presence or may at times become stubborn and rigid or even turn out to be insensitive.
Let’s try to be more affectionate and sensitive. Understanding the concept and having the appropriate positive approach at right time works wonders in the field.
Let’s coach our kids to carve better humans out of them not to have self-contained guilt ( for mistreating their childhood) in future.
Be guiltless by raising tender humans with all emotions you needed in your childhood, not with the punishment and aggression you experienced long back.